The last few weeks have been some of the most difficult for me in a while. Maybe it is because I thought once we reached the "1 year mark" in our new city I could take a break, relax, coast a bit. Maybe I just let myself get too tired and didn't take time to rest or make sure that I was spending enough time just sitting with my Father and listening instead of talking....I am prone to do that.
A spiritual lesson in HIS creation
We have overcome a lot in our short time here and seen our Father's loving hand on us constantly. He has faithfully been leading us to keep following Him, not looking to the right or the left--eyes straight ahead and on Him. I think I must have gazed off to the side, looking around to see what else was going on and who was around me.
And the enemy was right there waiting for this moment to jump in and take advantage of my weakness and my lack of focus. I headed down that endless path of comparing myself to others. You know, where you can see that this person is blessed with something you thought you wanted or that person seems to be ahead of you or you wonder why your Father made you like you are rather than like that "someone else". That path doesn't have an end. There is no final beautiful destination with a plaque listing all the facts about how wonderful you are that satisfies your thirst to know that you are at least as good as you hope you are and definitely better than "those" people. It is a ceaseless road to no where. And the longer you travel down that way the harder it is to know your way back. I have felt very alone these past few weeks and yet I am amazed how long it took me to repent, turn around, and run as fast as I could back to the place where my Father was waiting for me the whole time. Psalm 37: 24 spoke so tenderly to me as I looked back up into my Father's eyes and grabbed His hand, "though he (that would be me) stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand." Oh how He loves me so! Why am I so easily tempted to stray from His grasp and look to anything else to bring joy to my soul? There is no other thing I long for as much I as long for nearness to Him. But just as Paul says in Romans 7:21 "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work in my members." I have definitely felt like a prisoner to the thoughts in my mind and it has been frightening to me. I contemplated just giving up the fight all together. But He loves. And He shows that He loves in a million ways. A friend saw my struggle and spoke Truth directly to my heart. My husband patiently and quietly waited while I fought even sharing my struggle with him and then he held me. Another friend loved on my daughter and several prayer requests were answered in a day or two. And then I walked out on my porch to savor the beauty of the flowers growing there and I discovered the picture I put at the beginning of this blog. Two beautiful glorious displays of HIS glory growing on the same vine. Same source of nutrition of sunlight and water with dramatically different blooms. HE can do anything and He delights in his creation! He has made us all for Himself and we are not alike. He has endless creativity and He loves to reveal himself in this way! I was caught up in a moment of repentance and worship as I thought about what He was showing me through these flowers! My Father was luring me back. Reminding me that HE fights the battle and I am to rest in His shadow and let Him carry the burden on my heart. There will be more times like these ahead, I know that. But He is teaching me to trust Him in new ways every day. Because He loves.
