Just a few hours ago I left Hatley, Bekah Su, and Caleb at the airport on their way back home to Thailand. As we said goodbyes to one another and tears came I felt so sad. Catching a glimpse of the tears in Hatley's eyes as he held Hannah Beth in his embrace for the last time before she launched out on this new season of college created a new pain in my heart I had never felt before. I knew this day was coming but I couldn't "know" how it would feel. She is really going away to school and we really are going to our home halfway around the world. We will miss her so much.
We survived the last few hugs and tears and then gave way to the reality of a plane to catch and walked quietly to the car. A few friends had joined us and that seemed to remove some of the stingy in my heart. As I drove away, alone in the car, I felt the tears well up again in the corners of my eyes but decided not to even try to restrain them. They fell. And a surprising thing happened to me. Something only a loving Father could know how to give--I began to worship. One amazing memory after another came to my mind. I smiled as I thought about my favorite picture from my wedding day, the incredible gift of Hannah Beth's unexpected creation so soon after our marriage, how many times God had answered prayers and filled our hearts with gifts we didn't even know to ask for. I thanked Him for blessings hidden in heartaches and supernatural moments in His presence crying out for help, for a thousand laughters in our home, s'mores eaten over a fire, presents opened with such anticipation, and people who's hearts we had come to love. I thanked Him for calling me to be a mom and showing me how He had planned that for me all along. For the privilege to serve Him and to live a life of faith....day by day expecting Him to provide for all our needs. To do a job that we love; knowing that He hand-picked us to do it. Warmth covered me all over as I thought of how our extended families had loved on us, believed in us, supported us and prayed over us through all these years. For friends that have celebrated the good times and stayed close during the hard times and have pointed us to Jesus at all times. It was precious to me. My Father's way of lifting my head to savor this sweet moment....seeing it through His eyes rather than my own. He was celebrating with me the beauty of His Glory in our lives....not perfect by any definition....but lives offered up for His purposes and covered over by His grace. He was loving on me like a Dad loves on His daughter. He knew the potential in me to focus on the sadness and wonder why it had to be that were living overseas at this season of our lives--when our kids were just beginning to leave us? Knowing I could begin "leaning on my own understanding" and lose focus on Him. This story is all about Him--not me. And so in that moment He gave me the gift of worship through thankfulness rather than worry through fear. And even now my heart is full of thankfulness. My life has been so rich and deep in His great mercy and grace and love that I lack nothing. Oh, I am quick to complain just like anyone; but tonight I will refuse my flesh this sin that so easily entangles me. And I will worship. "Oh taste and see that the Lord is good!"
